When Phoenix magazine Editor Craig Outhier approached me about writing an imagined Phoenix apocalypse, I was very reluctant. Too many minds snap shut at my approach because of my "he's so negative" reputation. The story would be paired with an imagined Phoenix utopia (written by Outhier).
I was given free rein to use zombies.
Anyway, I did it — but using the most realistic scenarios, not something fanciful. Here are the two best and worst futures imagined.
Hilarious.
Posted by: Petro | August 15, 2015 at 01:45 PM
The era of speculation.
The future cannot be known.
Meanwhile, in the here and now.
Meat loaf, red chili sauce, 92 degrees, sitting in the shade, Bud lite.
Posted by: Ruben Perez | August 15, 2015 at 02:10 PM
Petro Google reader has been discontinued?
Ruben Budlite? You should try Polygamy Beer. It's powerful stuff when poured properly. I was given a bottle by a client. I wil save it for You.
Posted by: cal Lash | August 15, 2015 at 02:53 PM
Wish they had used different categories- "utopia" allows for the improbable and various dei ex machina which are the basis of the more optimistic take. RCs appears for the most part to be based on facts and trends. Did you deliberately lengthen some of the timelines on climate and water? Gloomy Gus.
Posted by: Dawgzy | August 15, 2015 at 03:19 PM
I see this every time I go to Barnes and Noble. I do like science fiction but I did not buy this magazine as its Science Fantasy. I did sit down on a B&N bench and look at it. Seemed similar to Mad Magazine so moved all the copies to the Comic section.
Posted by: cal Lash | August 15, 2015 at 06:09 PM
Shorter utopian scenario: we'll invent things to completely solve all our problems and then build the world's tallest building in downtown Phoenix just because.
Shorter dystopian scenario: you want to figure out tomorrow? Look at yesterday. There's your trend.
Posted by: soleri | August 15, 2015 at 06:11 PM
Fact not fantasy: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/03/150319165554.htm
Posted by: Cal Lash | August 15, 2015 at 07:17 PM
soleri nails it - I read them the same way.
Posted by: Petro | August 15, 2015 at 08:13 PM
Well Ruben there U and I have it. Rouge writes it and Soleri an Petro confirm it. Maybe I'll come and share your bud lite since now we can see the forest in spite of the trees.
Posted by: cal Lash | August 15, 2015 at 08:41 PM
Meanwhile, back in the present. Strawberry rhubarb pie, French press coffee and Mosquitos.
Posted by: Ruben Perez | August 15, 2015 at 09:27 PM
Okay..I think its time for you to write your take on the future like Alan Dean Foster's Montezuma Strip. Have you read Paolo Bacigalupi's The Water Knife yet?
Water... I am not enamored of happy hype so I vote your take to be closer to reality. Thanks Jon.
Posted by: Susan Unmacht | August 16, 2015 at 11:52 AM
One record winter snowpack in the Rockies wouldn't do much for Lake Mead, but we did send you a little something extra from the upper Animas Basin.
Would Zombies turn into mummies in the summer?
Posted by: Pat | August 16, 2015 at 03:07 PM
Pat, I'm thinking zombies in Phoenix in the summer would be akin to barbequed humans on the hoof. With the right sauce, the zombies would become the hunted, not the hunters.
Posted by: Ruben Perez | August 16, 2015 at 05:35 PM
Ruben that is a Myth about your tribe?
Posted by: Cal Lash | August 16, 2015 at 06:46 PM
No, that was a malicious rumor started by the Karankawa. At least zombies kill you then eat you. Those Karankawa ate parts of you and made you watch. That's a tough crowd. Never accept a dinner invitation from them.
Posted by: Ruben Perez | August 16, 2015 at 07:23 PM
So no human veal for you Ruben. Just other dead animals.
Pat, I recommend Edward Abbey's book "The Good News" for reading about the fire next time and Apocalypses.
Not to be but could be confused with the Fire Next Time by James Baldwin.
Posted by: Cal Lash | August 16, 2015 at 07:49 PM
The four signs of the Phoenix apocalypse:
2 companies skipped Phoenix based on negative reputation. Knowledge workers don't want their kids going to school here.-
http://www.bizjournals.com/phoenix/blog/business/2015/08/why-two-companies-skipped-phoenix-and-chose.html?s=print
Even bribing companies isn't working. Especially with the comment about education from one if the "promoters"- Peoria investment BioInspire has mixed success as medical device hub
Check out this story on azcentral.com: http://azc.cc/1ScTCTF
Ducey's not following through on his campaign policies-
So far, Arizona Gov. Doug Ducey’s border security promises unfulfilled
Check out this story on azcentral.com: http://azc.cc/1Ny1msS
But he can kill the messenger
http://www.bizjournals.com/phoenix/morning_call/2015/06/state-economist-fired-after-disagreement-on-duties.html
Even though Jon Talton has done a laudable job of laying out the how's and why's of where Phoenix is today I still find myself asking, "how?"..."why?" What is it about this Valley that draws people to use it for all it's worth and then move on? We're not the only "new" city in the sun belt with lots of transplants. I would love to see an in depth analysis between Phoenix and Tampa, Orlando, Dallas and Albuquerque, all of which seem to attract newcomers but benefit from them in different ways.
Posted by: Ranteur | August 16, 2015 at 10:37 PM
And slavery and trickle down have what in common?
Posted by: cal Lash | August 17, 2015 at 12:59 AM
Did companies bypass Phoenix (proper)? Or did they bypass Peoria? Was Phoenix Econ Dev even trying to land these companies and bring them to the downtown biomedical campus? I didn't hear much about that at all. Perhaps the Central City would have been more inspiring to these companies instead of BioInspire in BFE Peoria where the kooks have a base among the electorate.
Posted by: phxSUNSfan | August 17, 2015 at 03:26 AM
“We hire foreign nationals, too, and we don’t want to see them feel like they are not welcome in the city where we build,” he told me. “Your sheriff puts a bad face on your brand out here (in the business world).”From Phoenix Business Journal story on why Phoenix failed to snag two companies that would have brought 3,000 high-paying jobs.
Dystopia isn't just something that happened because of Mexican rapists. It was planned. And if you're a right-winger, you helped by voting for people like Jan Brewer, Doug Ducey, Joe Arpaio, et al.
Behold your Best Laid Plans, Republican birdbrains.
Posted by: soleri | August 17, 2015 at 06:30 AM
Would the republican/LDS minority of AZ (10 to 12% of the population) be able to run crazy if the other 90% of the population were to vote?
You all know how I feei about the silent majority/Hispanic vote.
They get what they deserve for their laziness.
Posted by: Ruben Perez | August 17, 2015 at 07:34 AM
Senator McCain and Governor Douglas Anthony Roscoe, Jr. got run off the Navajo Nation the other day before a Code Talker event by Navajo tribesmen. Seems they are upset 'bout something.
Posted by: Jerry McKenzie | August 17, 2015 at 08:27 AM
Ruben Perez,
The Latino vote will start to shape some things in the near future. That being said, the Latino population lives in denser districts and is more concentrated than almost any other group. Due to that fact, the state Legislature would still look the same. State and county elections would likely have different outcomes. You see that today in the way the Phoenix, Tempe and Tucson electorates vote.
Interesting tangent about Tempe: I overheard a conversation at NCOUNTER in which city employees were discussing the city surpassing 5,000 people/sq mile in a few years. As it stands today, Tempe is Arizona's most densely populated city with 4,300/sq mile. That is still relatively low but makes it the most densely populated city in the mountain states: Utah, Colorado, New Mexico, Arizona. Denver is not that much more densely populated than sprawling Phoenix with only 3,871 people/square mile (Phoenix - 3,000/sq mile. It still has a way to go when compared to Seattle with over 7,900/sq mile. Yet, I wonder how Tempe will look in another 10 years. The city is permitting thousands of new residential units in densely populated areas of Tempe now. It looks like central Phoenix is catching a little of that craze. I hope it continues.
Posted by: phxSUNSfan | August 17, 2015 at 09:13 AM
Pretty solid article on the Front Page about the pension crisis; solid analysis but he misses the big picture.
Fund the pension obligations (including social security) NOW- I'm in.
And then, when government agencies have cash flow shortfalls that would make Detroit look good, we can have a serious conversation about the costs.
The first comment in the article (about the cost of an annuity for a retired teacher) is brilliant and 100% spot on.
Posted by: INPHX | August 17, 2015 at 09:21 AM
The first comment in David Cay Johnson's (an excellent financial and economic commentator) column:
"what bs. how exactly does a second grade teacher, on the job 8 months a year, retiring at age 55, SAVE 3 million dollars to buy an annuity of no risk government inflation protected treasuries to yield $60,000 no risk, inflation protected---for life who pays your salary, the government workers union??"
If you can make sense of this hash do so. It's jibberish otherwise.
Posted by: Jerry McKenzie | August 17, 2015 at 12:41 PM